How we talk to our sweetheart often transfers to the workplace
Maybe it’s because Valentine’s Day is upon us, but lately I’m thinking a lot about communication that has nothing to do with the workplace. I’m thinking about the kind that is ultimately more important than communication at work. Let’s call it communication in love.
We guys usually get pretty low scores from our significant others on our communication skills. Most women’s complaints usually have to do with our unwillingness to talk about our feelings. We opt instead for the universal grunt, which can be interpreted in a variety of ways. We do this so women will think we’re strong and mysterious. Revealing too much about what we think about something – whether it’s our political opinions, our existential questions or our innermost feelings – might ruin the mystery or make us appear weak.
Men give women low scores on communication because women do so much of it. For most women, a relationship is all about two people sharing information with each other. Besides asking us guys to tell them what we’re thinking, women also are all too willing to tell us guys what they think. Men generally have no problem with sharing information, as long as the information can be shared in less verbal (i.e., more physical) ways.
As a guy who has been through a few failed relationships and as a professional communicator, I can tell you that there is usually a direct link between the success of a relationship and the ability of the two people to communicate with one another. I admit this is not earth-shattering news.
But have you ever wondered how communication in love translates into communication at work?
Many of us have two faces – the one we wear at home and the one we wear to work. (In fact, this is one reason so many extramarital affairs happen with co-workers; they see the charming, intelligent side of us rather than the side that lies on the sofa in our underwear, watching WWF and belching out loud). This might be true, but I believe there is no hiding our true communication styles.
A man who withholds his feelings, who refuses to be vulnerable with the woman he loves, probably withholds information from his co-workers. A woman who prides herself on telling her husband exactly what she’s thinking without regard to his bruised ego probably annoys her co-workers with her brash character assassinations in the break room. A guy who believes the universal grunt should suffice as an acceptable response to a sincere question from his girlfriend probably thinks the people who work for him should be able to interpret his gutturals. A woman who resents the fact that her boyfriend can’t read her mind about what she’d like to do this weekend probably doesn’t understand why her subordinates can’t read her mind about how she likes the work to be done.
Just as those barriers to open communication keep couples from experiencing the joy of a loving relationship, similar obstacles prevent us from being as productive and as fulfilled as we can be in our jobs. Improve the way you talk to your sweetie and you just might find you’re improving the way you talk to your associates.
Love is work. And our communication in love is our communication at work.
Do you see a correlation between your communication in love and your communication at work? Talk about it in Q&A.
