Maybe it’s the first time you’re standing in the doorway to a room of people you don’t know—swallowing hard because there’s no saliva in your mouth, and clutching your business cards in a sweaty hand. Or maybe you’ve been in that doorway many times (but chances are, you’re still exhibiting a milder form of both symptoms).
They don’t call it “NetWORKING” for nothing!
Looking for a new take on this standard business tactic, I attended “The Wonders of Intentional Networking” at the Wright Business Institute in Chicago (http://www.wrightexcellence.com). Here are three of my lessons learned—and some new tactics you and I should both be using.
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Trick #1: Walk In with a Goal. It probably shouldn’t be one of these: 1) the number of business cards you give out or get, 2) finding a new client or employer, or 3) closing a sale. This is tough. Most of the time we (force ourselves to) network because we’ve got a business need and we want to create an opportunity.
Experience taught me this kind of desperation leaks out your pores—turning off any chance of a meaningful exchange with someone who could be interested. And I’ve also walked into plenty of rooms with no real notion why I’m there (besides I should be) and come away disappointed.
So set a realistic goal. If you’re a new networker or shy, that could be speaking with at least two new people (rather than finding a friend or one person you meet and attaching yourself to him or her all night). If you’re a regular networker, your goal could be to locate someone you’d like to add to your “life team”—people you can cultivate and count on for good advice and support.
It’s that law of attraction: going in knowing what you want increases the chances that you’ll get it. Take an extra minute to do this before you arrive.
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Trick #2: Be Unselfish. Having cut my teeth in networking at Business Networking International (BNI), I’m a true believer in the “givers gain” philosophy. Enter a room ready to make connections to help the people you meet. This means you have to listen. It also requires you to ask non-directional questions: letting the person talk about what he or she wants—rather than what you want.
This is hard for me. I interview people for a living. My tendency is to “gather information.” Often my questions are targeted at learning about something that speaks to me. Now I’m trying out a new tack. More often, my questions and comments will include these: “How’s it going? Tell me more about that. Go on. That’s interesting. How so?”
Let the other person talk about what interests her or him. This actually leads to a deeper level of conversation, where you can learn more about a person’s issues or needs. And if you can connect the person to someone else who can help—or provide the help yourself—you’ve done a service that will be remembered.
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Trick #3: Be Selfish. There’s one person who comes to every networking event. Verbally and in body language, she screams “me-Me-ME!” She only wishes to speak about herself, her business, her family, her activities. She hands you her card before she asks your name. If she takes your card, you’ll find she’s left it on the table after departing—or has enrolled you in her e-newsletter the next day without having asked your permission.
When faced with her, remember your goal for this networking event. If listening to and assisting her will help reach your goal, then stay in the conversation. If it won’t (which usually is the case), then find a polite way to disengage (“Thanks for telling me about what you do. I’m sure there are other people you want to meet, too, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”). Then shake hands and move on. Trick #2’s being unselfish doesn’t mean being a doormat—so watch out for yourself.
Think about it: your best networking experiences happen when you have meaningful conversations on subjects people care about. And when you find ways to help others get to their goals, they’ll want to do the same for you. Then it becomes “Networking.”
Lynn Franklin says she started Lynne Franklin Wordsmith 16 years ago because …”I was in danger of being made a partner at the world’s largest investor relations agency. Or because a tarot card reader told me to. Or because I wanted to prove my theory that wearing pantyhose didn’t make me more productive. All of those would be true.”
