Communication Skills

•  Bridging is the art of answering a tough or off-target question (or an easy question) and smoothly segueing into a positive answer. The secret is giving a short, honest answer to the question, and then either 1) ask another question—and answer with one of your key messages, or 2) move directly to the key message. If you can’t logically move to one of your key ideas, then give the short answer and stop. Bridging allows you to maintain a two-party dialog without giving up control. Here are some examples of bridge language:

1. “I don’t know the answer to that question. What I do know is …”
2. “It sounds as though what you’re really asking is …”
3.  “Yes. You also may be wondering …”
4.  “If you’re asking me …”

• Listing allows you to force your questioner to take in more information than he or she expected. You say you have three or four important points to make, and then make everyone listen without interrupting you. Make sure to number each. Only do this when you’ve got questions that need a lengthy answer. For example: “We do this in three ways. First, … Second, … Third, …”

• Hooking (no—not what you think!) means giving a little taste of an idea to encourage the kind of follow-up questions you want:

1. “You’d be surprised at what our research indicates …” [What does your research indicate?]
2. “We’ve got some other exciting new services that will be available soon …” [What are those new services?]

Use this technique carefully, though. It offers the least amount of control over the Q&A—because you have to hope your audience is following you closely enough to ask that right second question.

• Flagging allows you to use language and your voice to let the questioner know you’re about to share something very important. Use flagging to indicate this is a significant question and that your answer includes one or more key ideas:

1. “The most important point to remember is …”
2.  “If you remember nothing else about what we’ve discussed today, remember this: …”
3. “The real issue is …”

• Summarizing is an effective tactic to use after the final question has been asked. The presentation doesn’t end just because people have run out of questions. Circle back to those key messages you want people to remember—in addition to thanking them for their help and participation:

1.      “In closing, let me leave you with these three ideas …
2.      “Those were excellent questions. In summary …”

 

And don’t forget that call to action. Tell everyone what you want them to do now that they understand the compelling case you’ve made. Leave nothing to chance (because that increases the chances you won’t get what you want).

People remember what you said, not the question.

Your first step to doing this well is to determine your three key points before the Q&A. The second step is to be so familiar with those messages that you can use bridging, listing, hooking and flagging to work at least one of them in to each response. And then you can use summarizing to make sure your audience didn’t miss anything—and knows what to do next.

This approach increases the likelihood that people will remember—and do—what you want them to. Now you’ve capitalized on the true opportunity a Q&A offers.

Lynn Franklin says she started Lynne Franklin Wordsmith 16 years ago because …”I was in danger of being made a partner at the world’s largest investor relations agency.  Or because a tarot card reader told me to.  Or because I wanted to prove my theory that wearing pantyhose didn’t make me more productive.  All of those would be true.”

One of the dangers of writing is that we can fall in love with our words. Even the wrong words. And like a bad boyfriend, these ill-suited words are clung to even though they do us no good and our friends can’t figure out what the heck we’re doing with them.

I know I am guilty. Some of my drafts have included phrases that made me beam with pride at how clever I could be. That pride stayed even as I was editing and could see that said cleverness actually stood out like a big, fat salmon in the lettuce crisper. I knew it was stinking up the place and making the greens inedible. Oh, but how can you not love salmon?

The harsh reality is that sometimes, even the good, clever ,Omega-3 laden stuff needs to get cut from our work. If we want to write well, we can’t be too precious about our words.

I was thinking about this while listening to Bernie Taupin’s audio blogs on songwriting. He has written the lyrics to some of the most iconic and enduring songs of the last 30 years. If his name doesn’t ring a bell, perhaps you are familiar with his main songwriting partner, Elton John?

While discussing how he co-wrote “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down On Me” he admits he has a “really bad memory of my own work.”  He proves this by telling the story of watching a game show on TV where one of the categories was his own lyrics. “I believe there were five questions,” Bernie says, “and I got four of them wrong.”

Now that is the epitome of not being too precious about your words!

Be like Bernie. Don’t get too invested in your every word, especially the ones you suspect (or know but don’t want to admit) don’t really belong. The delete key is your friend. If that seems too painful, create a separate file where all the bits you’ve edited out can live and commiserate with one another about how they were unceremoniously cast out of the final draft.

Of course, I might be reading too much into Bernie’s comments.  He’s terribly prolific, so maybe there are just far too many words for him to keep track of. Well, that’s a good goal, too.

You can hear Bernie for yourself at his website.

Barbara Govednik launched 423 Communication in 2001 to helps its clients tell their stories through freelance writing services, coaching and editing services, and employee communication consulting and implementation. Read Barbara’s Being Well Said Blog.

Today is March 4 and you know what that means. It’s National Grammar Day! Here are ten ways to celebrate.

1. Send someone you love a Grammar Day e-card from the Grammar Girl site.
2. Peruse the online Chicago Manual of Style.
3. Challenge your skills by taking the Newsroom 101 writing tests.
4. Buy yourself a grammar t-shirt.
5. Set up an RSS feed for the Society for the Promotion of Good Grammar blog.
6. Ridicule people who put their bad grammar on display.
7. Have fun with number six and continue ridiculing people who put their bad grammar on display.
8. Read about what drives real grammar and spelling snobs.
9. Join the Facebook Group Knowing the Difference Between “Their”, “There” and “They’re”.
10. Leave a comment chastising me for all the grammar mistakes I’ve made in my life.

Barbara Govednik launched 423 Communication in 2001 to helps its clients tell their stories through freelance writing services, coaching and editing services, and employee communication consulting and implementation. Read Barbara’s Being Well Said Blog.

One of my writing coaching clients sent me a link to a blog post about exclamation points. I was fond of striking them from her text as I edited her website content. And it does seem that they pop up with more frequency these days. (Insert your own comment here about how social media destroys all, if you’re not too busy yelling at the neighbor kids to get off your lawn.)

The essential questions in the Authentic Organizations blog post were this: are exclamation points unprofessional, do they corrode the credibility of women and did the writer really care or not?  You can read it here.

I don’t have a problem with exclamation points in general. They serve a purpose and give writers the ability to use their authentic voice when writing, which I always advocate for myself and all the writers I work with.

However, I do have an issue with exclamation points used in bulk (and I believe that ending three out of four sentences that way as the blogger did is the very definition of “bulk.”) Whether you are a man or woman, use that many exclamation points and you make your writing start to sound breathless and vaguely like an infomercial. Act now! Limited time offer! Operators are waiting! The blanket that has sleeves!

So go ahead and use an exclamation point now and then.  Moderation is the key here, just as it annoyingly is in all good things. Just don’t use multiples. There is no excuse for ending any sentence with !!!! unless you are a fourteen-year-old girl trying to convey just how cute that boy in your homeroom is and you agree to dotting all your I’s with hearts.

Barbara Govednik launched 423 Communication in 2001 to helps its clients tell their stories through freelance writing services, coaching and editing services, and employee communication consulting and implementation. Read Barbara’s Being Well Said Blog.

If you’ve been in communication for a while now, and you consider yourself an advisor rather than an order-taker, then right now your brow is furrowed. Why would I ask what the value of strategic communication is? Aren’t we passed this? Can’t we just assume that yes, strategic communication is valuable. More valuable than simple tactics such as newsletters and Town Halls?

First, let’s take a stab at defining “strategic communication.” Here’s a simple view (I am, as always, focused on internal communication):

Sound and measurable communication process that supports business goals, enables individuals and teams to contribute their best, and encourages dialog and recognition

These are the elements research shows us are fundamental to engagement in the workplace. These are the elements that make workplace change more successful, and according to the work of John P. Kotter, our organizations more financially sound.

Right about now, you’re wondering why I’m talking about this. Well, last month I facilitated a webinar for Communitelligence on moving execs and clients off a tactical focus and onto a more strategic thought process. One comment in the evaluation really sparked my attention. The attendee wanted more explanation of what made strategic communication better.

I talked this through with several others, including Communitelligence founder John Gerstner. We all wonder why we’re still talking about this. Isn’t it obvious that making a strategic difference to our organizations is better than just cranking out newsletters? Haven’t we proven this in our ROIs, measurement and business cases

Could it be that this was an entry level communicator who hasn’t yet discovered the value of strategy in his or her work? If so, this speaks to a void in our educational system that we professionals will have to fill as these newbies come into the work place.

Could it be that this was a mid-level communicator who hasn’t had the benefit of a mentor or working for a strategic-thinking organization? Likely – we see it all the time. This is what our associations are striving to do, along with those of us providing many different organizations counsel. But, it takes a long time to reach everyone, especially those who are not networking, not reaching out, not getting involved with other communicators.

Could it be that this was a senior level communicator who still hasn’t got the message about strategy, about serving as an advisor, about delivering value? I sure hope not. You’d have to have been working for decades in a vacuum.

I am always willing to educate other communicators on the value of strategy in our work. I wistfully look to the day when the presumption is that communication is strategic – there is no other option.

Stacy Wilson, ABC, is president of Eloquor Consulting, Inc., in Lakewood, Colorado.

RE: What’s the value of strategic communication?

Interesting topic, Stacy…I’ve been discussing this issue of “tactical vs. strategic” communication around a lot recently with colleagues and friends. I think what I’m missing in your definition is the word “change.” A great tactical communications plan will be measurable and support one or more business goals, but it focuses on a delivered result rather than on a delivered change. It’s really only when either individual behavior and/or organizational direction needs to be changed that a communications strategy is required. A planner asks the question “Are we doing things right?” while a strategist asks “Are we doing the right things?” A strategy is only valued where it is required — i.e. where change is well defined — otherwise, a really good plan will do perfectly fine, even at a high level in the organization. Remember the Cheshire Cat in Alice in Wonderland…When Alice asks the cat which fork in the road to take, the cat asks where she wants to go. When she says that it doesn’t really matter where she goes, then the cat says it doesn’t matter which road she chooses. When managers can’t really define the change they want to see, they aren’t likely to value communication strategy.

Posted on Thursday, Jan 21, 2010 – 09:24:00 PM CST  Peg

RE: What’s the value of strategic communication?

Mike, valid comments. However, in my original post, I noted that I’m willing to “educate.” I don’t think you can persuade someone to take up a strategic mindset and certainly did not imply that. But, education is required and it can be done without the big wow effort. Just yesterday I spoke with a young communicator about her communication plan. We walked through it step-by-step and addressed where her thinking needed to be more strategic. We talked about how she can use this thinking to reposition herself with her internal client and achieve more results with stakeholders. If we keep talking about this type of focus, even with the small stuff, eventually she embeds the thinking. We tackle her confidence level and position her to make a difference, even if it’s not in a shock and awe sort of way. It’s one person at a time. Changing the definition and the entry methods into the profession will wait for another day.

Posted on Friday, Jan 15, 2010 – 03:04:00 PM CST  stacywilson

Are We Appropriately Recognized?

The issue of whether the value of the communicator is appropriately recognized is an old, old chestnut. It persists, in my view for four main reasons: 1) There is no common definition for “communication” within and among businesses. One person’s job spec for a “communication lead” may involve strategy and messaging, another’s may involve effectively acting as a concierge for senior stakeholders. This problem is unlikely to disappear. 2) The barrier for entry into the world of communication is non-existent. Everyone–particularly many senior managers–fancies themself as a communication expert on some level. Many who end up as professional communicators do so by default or accident. Even with aggressive growth of professional accreditation, this is unlikely to change as well. 3) The above factors do little for the confidence of professional communicators (and particularly internal communicators) and the corresponding timidity produces work that is safer and more tactical than required. 4) The organization has yet to have a “shock and awe” moment when they realize something desired would not have been possible without the strategic communicator. I do think things will get better–not by trying to persuade people that we should be treated as strategic–but by seizing the opportunities for communication to make a difference in these turbulent times. Mike Klein–The Intersection http://intersectionblog.wordpress.com

Posted on Friday, Jan 15, 2010 – 10:18:00 AM CST  Leadershift

Yesterday’s Communitelligence webinar was about getting executives and clients off the individual tactics and into strategic thinking and decision-making. As the facilitator, I talked about using questioning and even offered 15 specific questions people can use to pull a client or exec back to strategy.

• Creating your own questions
• Facilitating a flexible planning session
• Recapturing a hi-jacked session

One of the individuals who sent in the evaluation after the webinar had this to say: “Perhaps more specific, rather than general, examples.” Ok, I can accept that a few specific stories illustrating how to use all the intellectual capital we just gave away would have been good adds. I’ll do that next time.

But, as my colleague just said, “they want you to do it for them.” He’s right. So many of the communicators I run into in conference and workshop sessions want someone to give them step-by-step instruction. “Just tell me what to say in that difficult conversation with my exec – give me a script.”

John Gerstner, president of Communitelligence, commented to me that even best practices don’t always make sense because you need a solution that speaks to your particular organization. So, it’s about taking the tools and figuring it out for your situation or organization. Requires some critical thinking, a skill that all of us in communication should continue to hone.

This depends on my ability to recognize a bunch of valuable tools when I see them. I think some are looking so hard for the script that they miss the tools right in front of them. And it means being able to think through how to use the tools once I’ve recognized them. Takes work. Takes effort, focus and dedication. Sometimes courage.

I’m all about tools. Those who’ve worked with me know this. But, not tools that simply tell “how” to do something or tell precisely “what” to do. No, I value tools that prompt my strategic thinking and that of my client. I want tools that push me to be practical, direct, honest with myself and my client, focused on the right stuff. That’s what a good communication tool should do.

When we took a bunch of our custom tools and made them available online at http://www.eloquor.com, this was our focus. Help communicators think more strategically, even when putting out fires. Part of that is about helping communication teams conduct their strategic business more consistently. Ultimately, it all comes down to positioning communication as a strategic function that serves as a valuable asset and trusted advisor to the business. Put in less “corporate speak”: communication matters to the business and communicators offer the business value.

But, communicators have to be willing to hone their critical thinking skills, to use strategic thinking tools and to master the ability to find great and appropriate solutions. It’s our future.

Stacy Wilson, ABC, is president of Eloquor Consulting, Inc., in Lakewood, Colorado.

When you try to be persuasive in writing or speaking, you probably spend a lot of time crafting the message, but you might be overlooking something that is more important than your content.

An audience often decides how it will respond to a persuasive appeal based not on the message itself but on whether the communicator is credible. Credibility, according to psychologist Dan O’Keefe, is the audience’s assessment of whether you are believable. If your audience does not view you as credible, strengthen your image by working on three things people usually consider in judging credibility.

1) Expertise – Be an expert in your field, because people are persuaded to do things when they view the communicator as an authority in the field. And it doesn’t only apply to people. Consumer Reports magazine is the leading source of trusted information when people want to buy a product. Why? Because they view it as credible.

2) Trustworthiness – Be fair, be honest, be a good listener, and be respectful of your audience. A major reason people are not persuaded to do something or to believe something is because the communicator was rude, sarcastic, condescending, or, in some other way, disrespectful.

3) Confidence. Carrying yourself with confidence is reflected in the way you dress (be a sharp dresser) and in the way you speak. Don’t use hedging language because when you hem, haw, and ramble, you don’t sound like you have control of the message (in writing or speaking), and you do not come across as being confident.

By Ken O’Quinn, Writing With Clarity

Reading from a screen isn’t the same as reading from a piece of paper. I say this at the risk of a) telling you something you already know and b) sounding like a curmudgeonly Luddite who can’t cope with new-fangled technology.

Many of us intrinsically know this is true. There is more scanning, and in many instances, more distraction to skip to someplace else. Turns out that science backs up the hunch.

According to The Chronicle of Higher Education (which I read online), an article was published in the Journal of Research in Reading (which I didn’t read at all) that highlighted the research of Anne Mangen. She gets all metaphysical and says that “digital texts are ontologically intangible,” so we have a different physical relationship to them, it influences our immersion into the material and other outcomes.

The best bit is this line from the Chronicle quoting Mangen: “One effect, Mangen maintains, is that the digital text makes us read ‘in a shallower, less focused way.'”

We accepted this truth about our shallow, scanning and skipping audiences long ago. And we’ve worked to adjust for it as writers. But I had to wonder if I was fully embracing it as an editor.

In the name of efficiency and environmentalism, I generally edit electronically using any of the available markup tools Microsoft Word offers. This puts me squarely in the audience’s skipping and scanning shoes. It lets me make sure that the text accommodates this arms’ length relationship and that the main points can be plucked here, there or anywhere.

But I also have a responsibility to make the work correct and complete. The writer’s little mistakes and near-misses need to be ferreted out and corrected. I can’t do this well if I am skipping and scanning on screen. That requires immersion.

Which means I either need to let go of my resistance to killing trees and marking up a hardcopy with the old red pen or learn to buck nature and immerse myself in my laptop. Although the latter sounds kind of scary and Tron-like. (E-mail me if you are less ancient than I and don’t understand that reference.)

When editing a piece meant to be read on screen, editors play a dual role. We have to experience the content as the reader will, and we have to bring a critical, detail-oriented eye. What do you do to accommodate both?

Barbara Govednik launched 423 Communication in 2001 to helps its clients tell their stories through freelance writing services, coaching and editing services, and employee communication consulting and implementation. Read Barbara’s Being Well Said Blog.

Historical harmony, Ipswich, Massachusetts, 2009, By Phil Douglis

A figure out of Ipswich history is painted on the side of this building, once used as a mill by General Electric. His head is arched, as if he is listening to voices from the past. Next to him, old window glass reflects a distorted view of another old building in the town. I honed down the image to just these two elements. Together they achieve a sense of historical harmony.

Reflections are ubiquitous. They can appear as images seen in mirrors, on glass, water, or any shiny, reflective surface. Reflections often alter reality, transforming it into the stuff of fantasy. Another form of reflection is when light is thrown back or bounced off its source to illuminate something else in an indirect, subtle way. We can use both forms of reflection to express ideas, and even transform reality into entirely new forms of expression. Reflected light and images often go unseen, taken for granted. We must train our eyes to notice them, recognizing their potential meaning, and then use them as another way of seeing. 

By Phil Douglis, The Douglis Visual Workshops

• Trick #1: Know your audience. If you’re communicating with another wordie, go ahead and use challenging language. This person will appreciate it. (Honestly: I just wrote a memo with “purview” in it because I knew the CEO would like it!) If not, forget it. Most people read for content and not for style, and if you’re choosing words that scream “pay attention to me,” then they’re shouting over your content.

• Trick #2: Watch for jargon. This falls into the same category as $64,000 words for me. Those who don’t know them feel excluded, stupid and angry. When jargon is appropriate, define your term the first time it appears. Those who know it will congratulate themselves, and you’ll avoid negativity from everyone else.

• Trick #3: Kill the Latinate words. These are the long ones that sound like legal terms, and have their origins in Latin. (For my money, there’s a reason they call it a “dead language.”) This includes terms such as “therefore” (try “so”), “pursuant” (try “after”), “heretofore” (try “until now”), and “notwithstanding” (try “although”). When given the option of a complex versus a simple word, go for the latter—don’t let your words get in the way of your meaning.

• Trick #4: Use the thesaurus sparingly. Most people pick one up because they’re using the same word a lot and want to give their readers some variety. This is a noble gesture. But a thesaurus can also be a crutch. Instead of trying to find new ways to express yourself, you just want to change one word. And often you end up going several words deep among the synonyms to find one that will work—and the further you go on the list, the more obscure the term becomes. Remember: it’s not just about word choice—it’s about thoughtful writing.

• Trick #1: What am I trying to do? It’s Communications 101: what’s the purpose of all this? Am I trying to educate someone on a topic? Am I looking to get their agreement? Am I trying to get them to take action (and what would that be, by the way)? Am I looking to get more information from them?

You’d be surprised by the number of people who don’t consider why they’re speaking or writing before they start. Don’t be one of them. If you know what you want, you’ve exponentially increased the chances you’ll actually get it.

• Trick #2: Who am I trying to reach? Let’s face it: your family and friends will cut you a lot more slack on your latest love than anyone else. But not your boss, when you’re trying to convince her that you have a great idea for a new project. But not your client, when you’re trying to convince him to spend more money with you when he’s already feeling budget constrained. But not the reporter on the phone, when you’re trying to convince him that this is a great story his readers can hardly wait to know more about.

So when you’re spending that extra few seconds deciding what you want to accomplish before the communication, take a few more to think about the people on the other end of it. Here’s your checklist.

1. Why would they want to hear from you?
2. When would they want to hear from you?
3. How would they want to hear from you?
4. What’s in it for them?
5. What objections could they raise to your idea—and how could you address these up front so they don’t get the chance to use them to end the communication?

And the all-important—and often overlooked—What do I do if they actually agree with me and want to move forward? That’s another downside of passion: sometimes we’re so busy waxing eloquent about our subject that we don’t know when to stop! Then we can run the risk of talking people out of something they initially agreed to.

Let’s talk links. That’s right, web links. Because most of the links we see on intranets and employee portals just stink. That’s right, stink.

Recent client usability testing efforts resulted in some classic examples of how not to do it.

1. Avoid using software package titles as links: One client uses “Rosetta Stone” as the link to the language learning modules they offer employees. Problem is, most employees don’t know what Rosetta Stone is. They’d like to find the language learning options, but when asked to, can’t.
2. Don’t separate what goes together. Notice how employees group and label a topic. For example, one group of employees is inclined to put compensation stuff together with benefits stuff. They can group the compensation stuff together, but they don’t know how to label it and they don’t really think of it as its own separate group. When put with “benefits” it all makes sense to them. So, the link becomes “Benefits & Compensation.”
3. Don’t use acronyms for navigation. When faced with a bunch of HR navigation such as FMLA, L&D and SPD, most employees just ignored them and hit the search. Heavy use of search means your navigation is failing you.
4. Don’t use terms that aren’t easily understood in every country. One term may not mean the same thing to employees in different countries. Some terms are far more recognizable to employees in the U.S. than in other parts of the world.
   

Obviously, links also must be prioritized and well organized. Here is some recent insight from Jakob Nielsen on the use of mega drop-down menus. We think this is a really cool approach for dealing with a lot of descriptive navigation.

But, it still has to be descriptive. Even a great mega drop-down menu won’t work if the link language is vague, unfamiliar and laden with acronyms.

Stacy Wilson, ABC, is president of Eloquor Consulting, Inc., in Lakewood, Colorado

Maybe it’s the first time you’re standing in the doorway to a room of people you don’t know—swallowing hard because there’s no saliva in your mouth, and clutching your business cards in a sweaty hand. Or maybe you’ve been in that doorway many times (but chances are, you’re still exhibiting a milder form of both symptoms).

They don’t call it “NetWORKING” for nothing!

Looking for a new take on this standard business tactic, I attended “The Wonders of Intentional Networking” at the Wright Business Institute in Chicago (http://www.wrightexcellence.com). Here are three of my lessons learned—and some new tactics you and I should both be using.

• Trick #1: Walk In with a Goal. It probably shouldn’t be one of these: 1) the number of business cards you give out or get, 2) finding a new client or employer, or 3) closing a sale. This is tough. Most of the time we (force ourselves to) network because we’ve got a business need and we want to create an opportunity.

Experience taught me this kind of desperation leaks out your pores—turning off any chance of a meaningful exchange with someone who could be interested. And I’ve also walked into plenty of rooms with no real notion why I’m there (besides I should be) and come away disappointed.

So set a realistic goal. If you’re a new networker or shy, that could be speaking with at least two new people (rather than finding a friend or one person you meet and attaching yourself to him or her all night). If you’re a regular networker, your goal could be to locate someone you’d like to add to your “life team”—people you can cultivate and count on for good advice and support.

It’s that law of attraction: going in knowing what you want increases the chances that you’ll get it. Take an extra minute to do this before you arrive.

• Trick #2: Be Unselfish. Having cut my teeth in networking at Business Networking International (BNI), I’m a true believer in the “givers gain” philosophy. Enter a room ready to make connections to help the people you meet. This means you have to listen. It also requires you to ask non-directional questions: letting the person talk about what he or she wants—rather than what you want.

This is hard for me. I interview people for a living. My tendency is to “gather information.” Often my questions are targeted at learning about something that speaks to me. Now I’m trying out a new tack. More often, my questions and comments will include these: “How’s it going? Tell me more about that. Go on. That’s interesting. How so?”

Let the other person talk about what interests her or him. This actually leads to a deeper level of conversation, where you can learn more about a person’s issues or needs. And if you can connect the person to someone else who can help—or provide the help yourself—you’ve done a service that will be remembered.

• Trick #3: Be Selfish. There’s one person who comes to every networking event. Verbally and in body language, she screams “me-Me-ME!” She only wishes to speak about herself, her business, her family, her activities. She hands you her card before she asks your name. If she takes your card, you’ll find she’s left it on the table after departing—or has enrolled you in her e-newsletter the next day without having asked your permission.

When faced with her, remember your goal for this networking event. If listening to and assisting her will help reach your goal, then stay in the conversation. If it won’t (which usually is the case), then find a polite way to disengage (“Thanks for telling me about what you do. I’m sure there are other people you want to meet, too, and I hope you enjoy the rest of your evening.”). Then shake hands and move on. Trick #2’s being unselfish doesn’t mean being a doormat—so watch out for yourself.

Think about it: your best networking experiences happen when you have meaningful conversations on subjects people care about. And when you find ways to help others get to their goals, they’ll want to do the same for you. Then it becomes “Networking.”

Lynn Franklin says she started Lynne Franklin Wordsmith 16 years ago because …”I was in danger of being made a partner at the world’s largest investor relations agency.  Or because a tarot card reader told me to.  Or because I wanted to prove my theory that wearing pantyhose didn’t make me more productive.  All of those would be true.”

How many times have you tried to have a strategic conversation with an executive or client only to have him or her immediately revert to a tactical focus? Sometimes, the same happens with other members of our own teams. It’s hard to stay focused on strategy. When you’re putting out a fire, it’s hard not to just focus on tactics – deliver the order.

The best way to regain that strategic focus is to ask the right questions. Whether you are just asking them of yourself, or of a client, executive, or colleague, you can use questions to prompt people’s strategic thinking. First, be sure you craft the right questions:

• Questions should demand details, not a yes or no response
• Questions should use keywords straight from your organizational or departmental strategy
• Seek to clarify assumptions or complexity
• Use supportive language
• Ask questions that value the other person’s opinion, validating the importance of the tactic

Here’s a story that serves as a great example. I was working with a client on a survey and she wanted to add a question to the survey. It was a bad question that wasn’t actionable and wouldn’t contribute to her strategic use of the results. I asked “What will you do with the results? What will you improve based on the results from that question?”

Stopped her dead in her tracks. She decided not to include the question.

Here’s another example. I had a conversation with a client about the company’s intranet. The client doesn’t believe the intranet has any strategic importance at all. He views it as a distraction on his plate of more pressing issues. Here is the series of questions I asked him:

1. How important is innovation for your business? (He said it is their most important goal.)
2. What is required of a company to be truly innovative? (After some prompting, he agreed that conversation, dialog and idea sharing were crucial.)
3. What role might your intranet play in enabling more conversation, dialog and idea sharing?

He stared briefly at me in a stunned silence. He had his answer. He answered his own cynicism with his own answers to my questions.

One more story. After a facilitated series of Q&A and planning, my client and her team realized they can no longer be order takers and still deliver truly strategic communication solutions. Instead, they must enable others to be great communicators and serve the organization in a whole new way. At the end of the day I asked her what she thought about the planning we’d done.

“I just hadn’t ever thought about it this way. No one had asked me those questions.”

Stacy Wilson, ABC, is president of Eloquor Consulting, Inc., in Lakewood, Colorado

Last week I facilitated two long days of review and planning sessions for a client. From 8 a.m. to 5 p.m. both days our small group of about six focused on business and HR strategy and process relative to their employee portal. We did process mapping, role identification, metrics planning and more. By the end of the two days the conference room was papered with flip charts, the whiteboard completely covered, and my camera full of earlier images from the whiteboard.

Our client is really excited about the content and work that came out of this session. I debriefed my team and during that discussion had several aha’s:

• So much of facilitation success is about the planning you put in before — a well-planned agenda, with exercises and techniques identified makes all the difference
• Planning to the group size, the setting, the desired outcomes is crucial — a small group in a small room can succeed with less formal approaches
• Adjusting to the ebb and flow of such a session is important — judge the value of the tangential conversation before redirecting

The last one proved to be really important last week. We didn’t use every approach I planned to use and we didn’t stay exactly on the agenda. Sometimes, the group wandered into valuable discussion and I let them go for a while. The results were really useful decisions and information that we may not have reached if I’d been too strict to the agenda.

Sometimes this is a tough call. Is what we’ve arrived at for this moment more important than what we’d planned to address? Can we still get to everything on our agenda? In anticipation of such a situation, I usually plan in some wiggle room. Using a parking lot also ensures you can move off the irrelevant topics fast.

What techniques do you use to keep your facilitation flexible?

Stacy Wilson, ABC, is president of Eloquor Consulting, Inc., in Lakewood, Colorado

• Trick #1: Whose purpose does it serve? Does our deathless prose actually help readers understand the point we’re making—or is its point to make us look good?

Let’s be honest: anyone who writes something for others must have a bit of an ego—otherwise she wouldn’t be able to write. But let’s keep the emphasis on “bit of” rather than “an ego.” It’s quaint to read Victorian novels that address us as “dear reader,” reminding us that the author has an active role in what we’re reading. However, it’s death to a communication or piece that’s meant to persuade when our writerly fingerprints smear the important points.

• Trick #2: Do others’ suggestions improve what we’ve written? This is perhaps the best test of the amount of ego in your writing. Spend that extra second asking, “What will my readers better understand: my presentation or the new one?” And if it’s the new one, make the change. (Then find a way to work your beloved phrase into a conversation with friends who will appreciate it.) When your purpose is to communicate with others, their needs trump yours.  

Sometimes the suggestion doesn’t improve the text, and your approach is the better solution—then keep it. Some people don’t believe they’ve done their job unless they change something they’re reviewing, so know when this is happening to you. (We’ll get to “The All the World’s a Frustrated Author Theory” next time …)

• Trick #3: Don’t argue about it. If you are (inwardly) jutting out your jaw as you explain to someone why your words are better than theirs, then you’ve already lost the battle. There’s no way you can come off as anything but defensive or egotistical—calling your credibility into question. It’s just not worth it. Over your career, you’ll create many wonderful communications—if you don’t antagonize the people who pay you to do this. Live to write another day.

Generally, I can empathize with the control freaks out there, because I am one so much of the time.  But communication control freaks, it’s time to let go. Actually, it’s way past time to let go of the idea that the communicator is the center of the universe doling out little pearls of priceless information to a grateful public like a parade grand marshal tossing candy to the spectators from the comfort of his or her top-down convertible.

The spectators are willing and incredibly able to toss back what they don’t like.  And when they do, it’s just a bad idea to sue them for it.

The latest example of this reality popped up in my hometown of Chicago this week.  An apartment management company is suing a tenant for libel after she posted an allegedly defamatory Twitter post about them. You can read the Chicago Tribune’s coverage for details, or search “landlord sues” on Twitter for a glimpse at the numerous tweets on the issue.

Suing someone for a post, rather than the more enlightened approach of engaging with complainers, is downright retro. It makes a company looked closed off, out of touch and old fashioned.  Think of the time, energy and money this company has put toward lawyers, lawsuits and probably endless meetings grousing about a 16-word post. What has it gotten them?  Imagine if they had instead focused a fraction of that time, energy and money on simply working with the tenant to determine if there were problems and how to fix them.   

The idea that you might be able to control your audience has always been a fiction passed on from one generation of communicator to the next.  Once and for all, let’s all agree to let go of the illusion of control. 

Barbara Govednik launched 423 Communication in 2001 to helps its clients tell their stories through freelance writing services, coaching and editing services, and employee communication consulting and implementation. Read Barbara’s Being Well Said Blog.

• Trick #1: Is this communication really necessary? We’re communicators: we default to wanting to share information. But we need to take that extra second to consider what the people we’re trying to reach really want from us. If it’s that analytical guy mentioned earlier: he can hardly wait until you send more data, so go ahead! But what if it’s someone who already received hundreds of emails a day—and is unhappy about it?

Do we need to send the email with a bit of information this morning, another with some more this afternoon, and a third tidbit tomorrow morning? Sometimes it’s better to wait until you have it all and can send just one. Why risk annoying the person you’re trying to reach?

• Trick #2: Is this the best way to communicate? Back to that endless email—like those mythical fruitcakes at the holidays that circle the globe. One of the main reasons this happens is no one picks up the phone and has a five-minute conversation—or even worse, people won’t walk down the hall and poke their heads into someone’s office for a quick decision. Ask what’s the most efficient way to get something done—rather than what’s the easiest way for you—and take that approach.

•  Trick #3: Am I really adding value? This is my beef about e-newsletters and e-zines. I understand the theory: provide some good information to showcase the value my company offers, which encourages potential customers to contact me. But most of the ones I see seem to scream “me, Me, ME!”

They may begin with a chit-chatty tidbit about what the author has been up to lately. They may follow up with a project they just completed, which they thought was interesting (so you should, too). They may give you platitudes about your industry to show they know it (aren’t you tired of reading about “what you can do in a difficult economy”—which begins with hiring their firm?). The best ones—and the only ones anyone really reads—are the e-newsletters that give us ideas we can use to make improvements right away. So when you’re doing this, put the value up front—and save the happy talk about your latest holiday for a Twitter or Facebook posting.